Rocket Man

Today was the first day this week that I didn’t have any appointments or meetings or places I had to go, the first day I got to stay home all day. My kitchen is thanking me for staying in! Had some time to get caught up on some overdue household chores that needed doing. This is good, because I function much better when things are done.

So I’m on Day 5 of my commitment to my wellness buddy. My biggest struggle so far has been getting enough calories everyday. I mean before evening comes. It’s because I’m not eating enough for breakfast I think. Normally I have 2 Wasa Rye Crispbreads with peanut butter, an apple, a glass of orange juice and some coffee. This is freaking plenty! As far as satisfying me. I usually have a pita or rice for lunch with some turkey, tuna or chicken for protein. Some more protein for dinner with a spinach salad or some rice and then I’m done for the day. I’m content. I have no urge to snack in the evening. No craving.

Except I don’t have enough calories yet. I’m always under 1200 and 1200 is the magic number. If you don’t consume at least 1200 calories in the run of a day your body goes into starvation mode and holds onto every bit of fat it possibly can, which is counter-productive when you’re trying to slim down. So then I end up having a bed lunch of whatever I’m missing (carbs, fat, or protein) to get my calorie count up. Tonight I’m having rice cakes loaded pretty liberally with peanut butter because I was low on carbs and fat. One night I ate a whole can of tuna because I was low on protein.

I thought I would’ve come around by now, got my appetite back, would start feeling hungry again, but it hasn’t happened yet. There was a migraine yesterday that I think was brought on because my body needed protein, but I felt no hunger pangs. This is what happens when you go long times without eating or not eating much for days and weeks on end, which I’m prone to do and let myself slip back into recently.

Last night at my writers’ meeting one of the women said she was just coming off a 3-day fast where she took nothing but water. She seemed very surprised by the euphoric feelings she had and how she never felt hungry. She said she came off the fast rather reluctantly because she felt so good and she had no urge to eat. But that’s just what happens. I don’t know if I believe in fasting for detox. I tend to think our body’s need fuel, nutrition, even if we don’t feel like they do. That’s why I never did a detox until I found one with proper nutrition.

And for me, fasting is dangerous. It’s an old habit I can slip into so easily when I’m not paying attention. And I want to be healthy and well! That’s the goal! I cannot be healthy and well if I’m starving my body. So I long for those days when my body tells me it’s hungry every four hours or so with rumblings in my tummy and a hollow feeling in the gut. I’ve been there before. It’ll come back. Soon.

Mood: stuffed to the gills with peanut butter
Drinking: irish breakfast tea
Listening To: all day and all of the night, kinks
Hair: still here

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