T in TO sent me this link with a note saying number 17 was funny and reminded her of me for some reason … hmm, she may have a point, but number 7 is totally me. I thought I’d give it a whirl. I like memes.
1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? Let me preface my answer by saying blowing up people is not cool, do not try this at home kids … but hypothetically, in a Bugs Bunny world where a blown up person is just left with a dirty face and a few wisps of smoke drifting from their fingertips, I would blow up Elizabeth Hasselbitch because that girl makes my face hurt.
2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Who will it be? I’m a music lover not eraser and yet who doesn’t think the world would be a better place with less Toby Keith? Can I get an amen there? Hell yeah.
3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? I cannot condone violence … unless the person is truly a bad person, so … OJ Simpson.
4. What is your favorite cheese? Nothing fancy, Old Cheddar for me.
5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind of sandwich will you eat? The Pulled Pork sandwich from Boston Pizza in the Jack Daniels BBQ sauce, because I had the BBQ Pulled Pork Pizza the other night and I’m craving this thing like crazy now!
6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice? Movie celebrity huh … only one? That’s way tough … I can’t do it, I can’t decide on just one. Short list: Cillian Murphy, Gale Harold, Timothy Olyphant, Matt Damon and Mark Wahlberg.
7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music celebrity of your choice, who will it be? Jon Bon Jovi. Hands down, without question.
8. Now that you’ve slept with two people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. What do you buy? Hell, if I’m sleeping with Cillian Murphy (or any of those guys) AND Jon Bon back to back I gotta buy a pack of smokes and a bottle of absenthe!
9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Ireland because Cillian and Bono are there, and my family roots, plus I have acquaintances living there, and I was published there, and there’s a workshop I’ve always wanted to take there, and Frank McCourt grew up there, and I believe in faeries.
10. An angel appears out of heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the beverage of your choice. It is? Do you even need to ask? Hello? Is this thing on? Red red wine.
11. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anywhere in the PAST. Where do you go? I’m so happy to see Rufus alive and well I’ll probably end up in a 70s audience learning “Seven Dirty Words.” But if I keep my wits about me I’d go to the crucifixion, just to see what’s up with that for real.
12. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? Be excellent to each other.
13. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it? A reality show called The underHills, think Sex and the City meets Pimp my Doublewide.
14. What is your favorite curse word? Much to my throttled ex-boyfriend’s dismay, it is Jesus Christ.
15. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, what do you do? Dude, think about it! If I don’t die of fear on the spot, I flee the building in my piss soaked jammies and run for my freaking life.
16. Your house is on fire! What do you do? Get out! Duh!
17. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour? Screw the boy who lives upstairs … or you know call all my loved ones and tell them I’m toast, but I’m okay with it and they shouldn’t be sad and I want them to play Styx’s “Come Sail Away” at my funeral … hell, I can probably multitask and do both.
18. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and whats even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What super-power is it? Invisibility, because I’ve always wanted to know what people say about me when I’m not in the room. PLUS, then I could sneak onto airplanes and travel the world, going to concerts, hanging out on movie sets, visiting Matt Damon’s trailer while he’s napping …
19. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? Wow, I thought about this a long time, on the one hand I’m all about looking forward and not dwelling on the past, on the other hand there are a lot of places, people, experiences that I would love to relive. I think I’d go all the way back to when I was a naive teenager. The fall of 1984, steaming up the windows of my Dad’s black LTD, with “Islands in the Stream” playing on the radio. Because I could use a dose of innocence in my life. Because it would be invigorating to feel like a teenager falling in love for the first time.
20. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Well here’s the thing, I don’t think I’d want to erase the horrible experiences because I learned some good lessons by going through them. But if I had to delete something horrible it wouldn’t be what you might expect, none of the big stuff. I wear that trauma like a badge of honour, a testament to my strength and will. I guess I would delete any one of the many horrible experiences with the pookie monster. There were so many of them that I don’t think I would have learned any less if one magically disappeared.
21. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check this out you can move anywhere. Where are you going? It’s hard to pick some place you’ve never actually visited before but I think I should be safe in saying New York City. I’d want to stay on the continent so then maybe I might have a hope of having my family come visit sometimes.
22. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age, if you were banned from every bar in the world except one, which one would it be? I’m not big on bars, but I would not want to be banned from O’Donaghue’s Pub.
23. Hopefully you didn’t mention this in the super-powers question… If you did, then we’ll just expound on that. Check it out… Suddenly, you have gained the ability to fly! Whose house are you going to fly to first, and be like “Check it out I can FLY!?” Kevin Smith’s house, because I know he would definitely appreciate it, and then he’d invite me in to play poker. I’d win him over with my fabulous personality and we’d become the bestest of friends. Then maybe I’d get a cameo in his next movie.
24. The constant absorption of magical moon beams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life? Hunter S. Thompson or Elvis.