Sunday Night

I wish I could just turn off my brain and go to sleep like a normal person. I wish I had some kind of knock out drug. I have nothing. Some ancient Pepto bismol in the fridge. Not enough wine to induce coma. And I want to induce coma. I have so many questions and no answers. I’m operating on blind faith and something a psychic told me one time almost a decade ago … is this desperation instead of faith, hope? Am I wrong? AM I WRONG?!

I started bleeding two weeks early. I’ve been been bleeding for 10 days. This is not normal. This is unprecedented except for that one time in the spring of 2008 when my boyfriend suddenly dumped me completely out of nowhere and I nearly bled to death in an expensive hotel during Frye Festival. Tonight I saw pics of him on Facebook with his “girlfriend” the one he apparently left me for, but not during … yeah right. She’s the same one I saw sitting next to him in group pics from while we were together. Even when he came clean, he didn’t REALLY come clean. But that’s ancient history, that has no ability to hurt me anymore …

Now, tonight, this has the ability to hurt me. What is going on? WHAT IS GOING ON?!

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