Halloween happened on a Saturday this year. It was a full moon night, the second full moon in the month of October, otherwise known as a blue moon. On Friday I was expecting some good news and I was planning a little celebratory outing on Saturday, maybe to a new restaurant in town, maybe involving a glass of wine with dinner. I was five weeks into my lifestyle journey, down 20 pounds, and feeling like I could wander a bit off the beaten path into the realm of celebration.
But my good news fell through, which was kind of upsetting. My weekend plans didn’t come together like I expected either, which was also kind of upsetting. This moon energy seemed to be in the air, tugging and pushing at me. I was in a “mood”.
Saturday night we got treats. There weren’t any Halloween treats left to buy in town, so we got a big bag of chips, a huge jar of pretzels stuffed with peanut butter, a bag of dark chocolate covered pretzel bark, a few other things and a couple of bottles of the really good Masi wine that I love. What a treat! We stuffed our faces and watched scary movies into the wee hours of the night. Nothing tasted like it used to taste. Some things, like the dark chocolate pretzel bark, were curl your toes delicious. Other things, like the wine, weren’t great and I wondered why I used to love it.
Sunday morning I woke up with a massive hangover. Ugh! I have drank that much wine tons of times and been fine. I don’t get hungover! Especially over so little wine, with food, stretched out over hours and hours and hours. But I had a serious hangover. Major headache.
I needed to pull myself together and go out that day as we had a visit planned. In my hungover headache state it was easy to pop through the drive through and pick up a breakfast sandwich and hash brown with coffee. The food perked up my mood and we had a great visit.
About 10 minutes into the drive home I started feeling carsick. Ugh! I thought it was the continuation of the hangover. I needed a feed of greasy hangover food to fix me up! We made plans to stop at a fast food restaurant on the way, but by the time we got back into town I was green and just barely holding on. I went straight home and into bed. My boyfriend went out and picked up a fried chicken dinner for himself and brought me back some french fries and gravy. I relocated to the couch an hour later and ate my fried food.
Monday morning I was still sick and could hardly get out of bed. My head was pounding, all my joints were sore, I was stuffed up and had a sore throat. I called in sick to work and stayed in bed. I slept almost all day, moving from the bed to the couch. Around supper time I ordered pizza, garlic fingers and nachos for delivery because my boyfriend was coming for supper after work. I ate a bunch. It was the path of least resistance.
Tuesday morning I tried to work but I still felt like crap with sore throat and pain around my eyes. I worked until lunch and then took the rest of the day off. I ate leftover take-out for lunch. My boyfriend picked up a family package of fried chicken strips at supper and I ate a few with hot sauce.
Wednesday I felt a bit better. I was able to work the full day but I was still weak and didn’t have the energy to cook or clean up the kitchen. Most of my healthy food was dying in the fridge. I ate leftover take-out again for lunch and my boyfriend picked up a bucket of fried chicken for supper.
Thursday morning I felt more like myself. I sent all the left-over chicken in my boyfriend’s work lunch and ordered healthy groceries to be delivered. I cooked food that night, making a gravy hash with Yves ground round (plant-based hamburger), onions, and a can of mushrooms. I heated up a bag of frozen corn and baked a bunch of bunch of potatoes. Not the healthiest, not totally on plan, but it was a step in the right direction.
On Friday I returned fully to my lifestyle and way of eating, after nearly a week off track. I could feel the weight gain. I didn’t step on the scales at all that week, but I figured with water bloat it was at least 4-5 pounds. I continued to eat well and on track all weekend. Monday mornings are my weigh in day, but I planned to skip this week, give myself a week to fully rebound. But on Monday morning I wanted to assess the damage, so I stepped on the scales. I had lost 2.6 pounds since the last time I weighed in two weeks earlier (skipped the previous Monday following the Halloween binge). Woo hoo! Officially back on track!
But as you can see, one little day of indulgence quickly turned into almost a full week. It could have spiralled even further, if my susceptibility to food addiction was higher, if I wasn’t so ready to shed this weight, if my mental health was more frail, if I didn’t make it stop.
I have some philosophies that I’ve developed over decades of learning the practice of self-love, which I think helped me to correct course:
- You’re only human. Bad decisions happen, don’t beat yourself up when they do.
- Advise yourself like you would your best friend.
- Follow a bad decision with better decisions.
- Sometimes you need to wallow in the mud, embrace those moments, wallow without guilt, then get the hell out, take a shower, and put on some clean clothes.
- Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around.
- Learn the lessons of your mistakes and then let them go.
- Celebrate every success, no matter how small.
Some observations following the Halloween slip:
- I am effected by the moon. I need to stay conscious of this and be prepared, set myself up for success through full-moon weekends.
- I eat and drink my feelings. I was very aware I was doing this, but I didn’t care and did it anyway. I need to find less destructive ways to blow off steam.
- I didn’t like that red wine. Perhaps I can find a non-alcoholic lower calorie treat drink to have when I want something special, but that won’t lower my self-control.
- I will approach the holiday season with a better plan.
And that is all! Back on track, onward and upwards!
Drinking: lemon ginger tea
Listening To: Starting Over, Chris Stapleton
Hair: lopsided and stringy