I have a motto that is not only an absolute truth in my life, but also has the power to push me into action when I’m procrastinating. Yes, I am a procrastinator from way back. I have analysed it throughout the years and I know it actually stems from an overwhelming need for perfectionism. Better to never begin than to have to complete something less than perfect due to things beyond my control. Oh yeah, big time control freak too! Ugh! Everyone has their faults, these are some of mine. Surely my self-awareness helps me to work on these issues and maybe even overcome them one day. I have been doing better this past year with accepting help.
Accepting help is frigging hard! Because it puts me in an uncontrollable and imperfect place. Yes, it would be awesome if that person would do that thing that I need to have done but I don’t have time or energy to do the way that I know it needs to be done … but will they do it right? Will they do it as good as I know I will do it, if I ever actually begin to do it? Will they care as much about making it absolutely perfect as I will care? Hell no! Because fortunately they are mere mortals, and they understand nothing is ever perfect and doing anything is almost always better than doing nothing at all when there’s things that need doing. Yes, they are normal. I am the freak.
But this past year I have made great strides. I have not only been accepting help, but I’ve been doing it without freaking all the way out when the result is not perfect. In the beginning, I might have dropped everything so I could redo the project as soon as the helper was out of earshot … I might have cursed under my breath as I noticed all the imperfections … my chest might have tightened … my blood pressure might have risen. I am happy to say that after over a year of actively practising my ability to accept help, I have come to a place where my thank you is real and heartfelt and I do not need to fix all the things I notice that the helper has done differently than I would have done. Yes, helpers do things differently! This doesn’t mean it’s not perfect, it’s just different.
This is real personal growth at work, folks! Life changing stuff happening at Casa Kel!
But back to my motto. I write this one down in my journal almost every day. My mind plays it on repeat, particularly when I’m struggling, when I’m feeling overwhelmed. It helps me.
“The more you do, the more you can do.”– Kellie, 2020
Because a lot of the time I am struggling with inaction. I am paralysed by phobias and anxiety. It’s a whole lot easier to hide under the covers or sit on the couch or stay in my head, than it is to get up and get moving and get things done. It’s basically just my own rewrite of Newton’s law … a body at rest tends to stay at rest, a body in motion tends to stay in motion … the more I do, the more I can do. I just need to start.
When I think about all the trips I’ve taken in my life and how in the days leading up to those trips I became superhuman, finishing all my work, packing, organising, researching, cleaning, making lists, prepping anything that needed prepping, taking care of all the business so I could go on the trip and relax. When I think of all the intense deadlines I’ve met by pulling an all-night creativity session out of my ass and activating my laser focus ability. There is no doubt in my mind that I am capable of getting a whole lot of things done in a short time, that I can accomplish anything I focus on accomplishing.
“Do or do not, there is no try.”– Yoda
So this week I have been doing. And the more I do, the more I can do.
Drinking: coffee, black, hot
Listening To: O’ Holy Night, Carrie Underwood
Hair: there’s this weird almost bobby thing going on … my layers are growing out, but not the overall length … it’s weird