The other day I had a sulky day of depression where I literally just stayed on the couch all day eating cupcakes, french fries, wieners, canned peas & carrots, and microwaved popcorn smothered in Ketchup flavoured seasoning; drinking a ton of coffee, a couple of glasses of wine and one cup of hot chocolate with an ounce of brandy added for zip; and watching documentaries on Netflix.
I had once again let my boyfriend’s flighty attitude toward life get under my skin. After this many years together you might think I would be acclimated to it by now, I would expect it and never be surprised by anything, but you would be wrong. My recovery might be quicker when I’m blindsided, but I still get blindsided.
Yes, I may have lingered in bed until 10:30 this morning but then I got up and threw in a load of laundry. Today I feel better. Today I will do all the things I wanted to do all week but was too weak and sick to accomplish. Today I will go outside and go shopping for food and stuff. Today I will clean up this damn pig sty. Today I will cook a decent meal.
I went to Sackville on Saturday to hear a talk given by a friend who attended a week long workshop in Colorado last year by the author of Women Who Run With the Wolves.
I have been out of the creative scene for years now, and honestly I wasn’t feeling any urge or pressure to reconnect with it. I went to this presentation because a) my friend invited me and I wanted to be there to support her and b) it was happening in Sackville, where I lived for two years, really miss and will seize any opportunity to visit.
As far as the talk itself, I didn’t really have any expectations. My friend and I had spoken at length last fall about her experience in Colorado, so I felt like I had a good understanding of it and I wouldn’t be likely to have any AHA moments. I wasn’t really thinking that I would be impacted in any way personally, other than it would be great to see old friends and hang out for a bit. Continue reading “Walking Through Ashes in Eden”
Well what a week it has been! We worked a lot, putting together a whole magazine for publication starting on Monday and ending late Thursday evening. That is some kind of record for us and just goes to show what we are capable of doing when we apply ourselves. On top of that I have been cooking, tracking my food, repeating positive affirmations, listening to guided meditations morning and night, and best of all I went to see my osteopath. It was the most amazing experience ever and I don’t need to return for any further appointments!
Yesterday was not a great day. I stayed in bed too late, just managed to eek out the bare minimum requirements for a work day and ended up carrying over a whole lot of tasks from yesterday to today.
Because I slept late yesterday, I really wasn’t tired last night so I stayed up super late watching shows on my computer. I knew if I went in the bedroom to my comfy bed and a room that stays pretty dark all day until the sun comes around the building to set in the evening, I would sleep late again this morning and begin a dangerous pattern. So instead I slept on the couch in the living room.
Since I first started blogging in February of 2004, over five years ago, I don’t think I’ve ever taken such a long hiatus. I can’t believe it’s been over two months since I published a post. Wow! Forgive me readers, for I have sinned.
I would like to explain my absence by saying that I have been consumed by other writing … but unfortunately that would be a lie. I’ve had a lot going on, but I haven’t been consumed with any other other writing.
While I think it started on a very subconscious level, this break has been more the result of me taking time to reassess what it is that I hope to accomplish here.
“What you think and what you feel and what actually manifests is ALWAYS a match – no exception” — tweet from Manifest Mastermind
I’ve been thinking a lot about this concept in the last two days. I’ve been trying to figure out what went wrong. Why do I feel so out of control and like most of my life is falling apart? It’s no secret to my family that I’ve been malnourished.