Today is my first day back to work after the holidays. I really needed this Christmas break. Work had been overwhelming for several months and I wouldn’t have been able to go on much longer without some kind of reprieve. I had been having stress headaches for about a month before the holiday. I know they were stress related because as soon as I shut down for Christmas, they went away. It’s the first time that I’ve ever been overwhelmed because it’s just too much, impossible to finish even working double days, weekends, flat out with laser focus and being insanely productive. No one person can do it all. It is likely not the first time I’ve actually been faced with the impossible, too much for one person thing, but it’s the first time that I haven’t blamed myself because I should have started earlier or I should have worked longer or I should have not taken so long to complete something. This time I absolutely know I went above and beyond and couldn’t have possibly done anything more but it was just too much.
So, it’s not my fault, I did my best, yada yada yada … but of course, all the pressure isn’t coming from anyone at work, it all comes from me. I am the one believing I can and should be able to do it all. I am the one drowning myself in disappointment when deadlines are blown. I think it may be my age. We were the women who grew up believing we could have a house full of kids, a kick-ass career working 60 hours a week, and still keep the house immaculately clean, prepare dinner for a family sit-down every night, attend all the children’s activities (of which there must be a variety), and whatever else easily without any help at all. Wonder Women with strong work ethics, the early Gen X’ers, who were a bit slow to the work/life balance game. Or maybe it’s just a family thing, the way I was raised, and my role models when I first entered the workplace. At any rate it’s a preposterous notion. The Universe continues to show me that I am but a mere mortal and I need to accept that I can’t do the work of four people by myself …. two people, yes, but not four 😀
I am actually excited to get back to work today. I feel well rested and prepared. I am looking forward to re-establishing my routine and I feel motivated to dive back in and finish some tasks that I know are still there waiting for me, as well as take on the challenge of all the new tasks that I know are coming my way. I know I’ll have some leeway these first few days to get myself organised and caught up and I’m looking forward to doing that. I appreciate the new year energy I always have in January and I am focusing it in order to get the most out of it.
In my work there will always be much to do, another project to complete, but all I can do is my best. As one of my former colleagues used to say, “We’re not saving babies here.” And it’s true, my work is important but it’s not life or death important, I don’t need to freak out and feel stressed. I am a hard worker and I am very productive. I take pride in the quality of my work. If I give my best, that is all I can do and it is more than enough.
So, I am going to have an awesome first day and an amazing week followed by another amazing week and another as we burrow into the depths of winter. And I will look back in the springtime and marvel at all the wonderfully productive months I’ve just spent working.
Gratitude: my new Inspira planner is perfect for me and I love it so much, my wireless headphones that help me block everything out when I practice meditation, the early morning darkness and peace
Focus: today I will eat real food, not too much, mostly plants; I will get up from my desk at least once every hour and move or stretch; I will have a productive work day
Inspiration: “Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.” Jim Rohn
Sounds: I Gotta Feeling, The Black Eyed Peas
Connection: Happy Birthday to Mr. Olivier Stockless, or Ollie to me, who turns one year old today and is the happiest little man I’ve ever known, my first grandson